(Not-so) Smart phones need remedial education
by Dan Rzewnicki, Editor in Chief
November 2, 2011
Since the birth of cell phones, we have developed versions with cameras, Internet, and basically the capability to control our entire human world. Wired with wonderful and amazing technology, smart phones leave us nearly dependent on them. However, the more I use my Blackberry, the more I wonder how smart it really is. My “not-so-smart phone” really grinds my gears.
I was incredibly excited to own a phone that could access the intranets. I could constantly check for comments on my posts, watch “Epic Rap Battles of History and Street Music” on YouTube, and listen to Pandora radio. However, the Internet's crawling speed leaves me with the urge to break down in tears at the mere thought of being out of touch with my adoring fans. I have concluded that either all Blackberry Internet connections must be slow, or the lack of speed is a scam from Verizon to limit my "unlimited" Internet access.
Next, my phone rather enjoys sending me error messages and pointing out that I have no idea how to use its functions. It seems no matter what function I try, the "error: You're an idiot" message pops up. Now the problem here may lie with the user, but if my "smart phone" is so smart that it can point out what I'm doing wrong, why can't it just do the right thing on its own?
Furthermore, all the apps on my phone cost money. Even though "there's an app for that," the app is usually rather costly. Nobody wants to own a smart phone with no apps, but even the dinky Freaky Foul Shooter games are only available after three easy payments of $99.99.
Now, before I continue complaining, I would like to point out one good feature about the Blackberry. The all-knowing and all-powerful "Blackberry Button" is the most wonderful tool on the Blackberry. When I have lost all hope and have no idea what to do with my phone, the Blackberry button rushes to my rescue with the answer. It seems to read my thoughts. If I woke up one day and decided I wanted to control the world, there would definitely be a "Control the World" option sandwiched between "Start the Car" and "Walk the Dog."
My last complaint is that the phone takes forever to turn on. When it completely and totally shuts down, in all likeliness I will be on my death bed before the phone turns back on. If I crashed my car, was bleeding out, and my phone was off, my chances of crawling to the hospital would be higher than my waiting for the phone to turn back on so that I could call for help.
My phone does perform many useful functions. I find it easy to use because of its many features. Its calendar, for example, helps me keep track of everything. (Of course, the calendar alert sound is so quiet that I often miss appointments anyway.)
All in all, the Blackberry I own really isn't as awesome as the commercials advertise. Contrary to popular belief, lightning strikes do not appear on the screen every time I turn it on. My advice: Invest in an iPhone. They seem to be the real deal, and far more intelligent than the Blackberry. My smart phone's lack of smarts really grinds my gears.
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