Finding a gym membership solution ... or not

In my last blog I voiced my deep concerns (I complained like a baby) about the locker room at the football field.  However, due to a coaching change, the football team is without a coach and a place to lift. So, not wanting to go from the “1,000-Pound Club” at the lift-a-thon to 1,000 pounds on the scale, I joined a gym. I’m having mixed feelings about my experiences there. That really grinds my gears.

The first day I arrived at the gym with $20 for my membership as well as my Converse high-tops, a headband and short shorts. (The price was right, I can’t complain about that part.) I picked up the 30-pound dumbbells to begin lifting, and looking to my right, I found an extremely large man with a light blue Muscle Beach tank top on. He was using 60-pound dumbbells for the same lift I was just beginning. For the math impaired, that is twice as much weight as I was using. I was immediately discouraged and lost all of my self esteem. Feeling the need to get my rep up, I used as much weight I could possibly do on every lift, only to have another extremely large man in a tank top (there seems to be a recurring theme here) nearly triple the weight that I was struggling with a few lifts later.

While the gym is far cleaner than the locker room, there is also effort required to keep it that way. To someone coming from the locker room, this cleanliness factor was a whole new experience. There are these little wipey things, as I like to call them, positioned about the gym. The idea is that one will wipe the machine or weights after finishing using them. However, as a cleaning cave man stemming from the pigpen of a locker room, I find myself constantly forgetting to do so. I often receive the “stink eye” from the older woman about to use the machine I just finished with. (Yes, I do use the old lady machines. You can feel the burn on those too!) Not wanting to find out if this older woman happens to be in some sort of relationship with one of the muscle tank top guys, I have been trying to be more conscientious about my wiping habits.

Not only do I struggle to wipe, I have also had to learn how to clean up after myself – by putting all of the weights back, for instance. Now that I do have to clean up, I find myself asking if it is really necessary to leg press 750 pounds. In other words, do I really want to put all of those weights back after using them? I much preferred to leave all the weight on the machine after finishing and leave the next person to either man up or put the weights back on his own.

While I have learned that my strength and amount of muscle are quite inferior to that of most of the gym attendees, I also find myself forced to learn the art of sharing. Rather than simply taking a machine from one of the ninth graders, I catch myself looking like a dog with its tail between its legs in the face of a large muscle man in a tank top. Liking my chances in a race but not so much in a fist fight, I realize I am in the position of the ninth graders. However, with three lifting partners at my side, one of us should be able to survive long enough to testify at the trial as well as speak at the funerals of the other three dearly-departed combatants. And, like is said, I like my chances in a race.

Although I found myself complaining every day at the weight room, I find my dreams as well as my self-esteem crushed every day at the gym. While I do believe I am getting a better workout, it is puny in the face of the large muscle tank top workouts. I have yet to decide which situation is worse. That really grinds my gears.

[comments] 

Posted by "Tom Dubovi" on February 10, at 2:25 p.m.

Jared Kalmar actually talked to that guy in the muscle beach tank top. He asked him where he bought the shirt. The guy stared at him for a moment, then said "at the store." We couldn't tell by his tone of voice if he was angry. Our lifting group just avoids him now.

Posted by "Amy Barley" on February 8, at 12:31 p.m.

Dan, I feel your pain! When I joined the Hampton Township Community Center Gym last summer, I too found myself being very careful to always use the spray bottle in the bottle holder thingy on each machine and the companion freshly laundred rag to wipe off all my "hard work" for the next user. The cleaning staff guy was always at the gym cleaning during the hour or two that I spent there each summer morning. Eveything was spotless...all the time! Great writing!

Posted by "Kiersten Horrell " on February 5, at 12:32 p.m.

Dan, your articles are clearly the funniest part of TrottyVeck. You're right; the gym does make me feel rather inferior. Maybe we should go back to old fashioned exercise and ride our bikes around the block.

Posted by "Morgan Ceschini" on February 4, at 10:10 p.m.

I don't know about you but I love P90X!!! It's just as good as going to the gym. Actually better. You get to do it at your house without anyone making fun of you!!! :-)

Posted by "Anne Brady" on January 31, at 12:43 p.m.

Dan, once again, you managed to make me laugh out loud at your article. I am a member at Step It Up Fitness when it is not basketball season, so I know what you are talking about. There are a lot of muscle men who make me feel even "girlier" than I am. Don't get discouraged by those men! Start wearing your cut off shirts and show them how much of a man you are! Ha ha!

Posted by "Jacob Iellimo" on January 29, at 4:15 p.m.

Dan, I used to go to the gym you are currently attending. And if you think the guys there are huge, you are lucky you did not go to the one in our quiet little town. They have 175-pound. dumbells and I swear if I as much as see someone pick that up and use it for something, I am giving up all hope. The other day I helped spot an 18-year-old kid who was maxing out at 350 pounds on bench, and he didn't even look that big. While the gym is cleaner and much warmer, it is filled with monsters, including Steve, the kick-boxing instructor. So I feel where you're coming from, Dan.

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