Deciphering mysteries of body language

Body language. Everyone uses it, and everyone has his or her own “language.” However, the trouble exists because it seems no one understands anyone else’s body language. I run into such problems nearly every day. I find people constantly failing to interpret my seemingly clear body language. That really grinds my gears.

While driving, I find that many other drivers are either too incompetent to understand my signals, or are just not paying attention. While sitting at a red light with 101 cars lined up behind me, I was attempting to signal the man turning left to go before I did. Though I flashed my high beams, turned on my four ways and waved my arms frantically, he just didn’t get the message. I even attempted to exit my vehicle and guide the man with the air traffic control cones.

Still failing to interpret my message, I decided to roll through the intersection. Of course, as soon as I began to go, he began his left turn. After slamming on the breaks, yelling, blowing my horn and waving my arms, I received further confirmation that this guy just could not interpret my body language. Judging by his smile and friendly honk, he apparently deduced that the finger I had extended meant that he was “No. 1!”

I also find people failing to understand my language throughout the regular course of a day. For instance, when I sit down on the bus and spread out my books and bag to occupy most of the seat then turn my iPod up the whole way, that is not an invitation for anyone to squeeze into the one unoccupied space and begin gabbing right into my ear.

At school when I show up wearing all black with “guy-liner” on and fingernails painted black and I silently take a seat in the most empty part of the classroom, I am not trying out a new style. I am sending a message that I would like nothing more than to sit there in silence.

Even at work, while I am running around dripping sweat and breathing like a sumo wrestler in the Boston Marathon, it would seem easy to deduce that I am quite busy and unable to listen to your life story for the ninth time in the past week.

Body language can change the way something we say gets interpreted in many ways. For instance, normally when the doctor asks me to take my shirt off, I wouldn’t think anything of it. However, if he adds a wink at the end of that sentence, it’s a whole new ball game. That’s when it’s time to stop finding doctors on craigslist.

A wink can change the context of nearly every sentence. Even when a friend asks to come over and work on a project, a wink on the end of that sentence has me changing the locks and my cell phone number.

A smile is another thing that can really change how something gets interpreted. For instance, when a friend approaches to tell me that his grandma just died, if he says it with a smile on his face, it has me wondering how much money grandma left him in the will.

Or, when a friend asks me to go start his car with a huge grin on his face, I always check for IED’s and other booby traps before doing so.

Now, before I conclude this blog, I would like to send a shout-out to my newly discovered Kiski fans. I think it’s awesome that you enjoy reading my blogs and acknowledge that, well, our newspaper has cooler stuff than yours does. Also, the more successful our website is, the better I look for colleges. And lastly, spread the word! Show more friends! Feel free, and I encourage you, to leave comments. The more people I can get to read these, the faster I will have you all brainwashed and ready to take over the world. Wait, I think that last part came out wrong.

Nevertheless, body language can take an infinite number of forms, and none of those forms, at least in my world, seem to be interpreted correctly. Body language can cast a shadow of doubt over that gym class friend that is always winking at me. Body language really grinds my gears.

[comments] 

Posted by "Melinda McCorkle" on May 10, at 9:01 p.m.

This is really good, Dan. I love reading these blogs. I definitely agree that body language can change the meaning of anything. However, I can never read people's body language. It's so interesting, though! I saw this show on TV that was all about body language and it amazes me (I think it's called "Lie to Me"). Anyway, great job.

Posted by "Kyle Snyder" on May 10, at 9:04 a.m.

Dan, you're usually the one that winks at me after you ask if I want to come over and work on a project together.

Posted by "Kelly Klingensmith" on May 9, at 9:42 p.m.

Dan, I completely agree with you. People don't seem to understand my body language a lot of the time. I completely understand where you are coming from with motioning a driver to turn. I honestly don't think a lot of them are paying attention. The drivers just assume that you are not going to let them turn. However, you are doing everything you can to allow them to turn. Also, when I am trying to have no one talk to me, I do things such as put my head down or turn my head the other way to avoid them. People, though, seem to misinterpret this "idea." I wish people would either pay attention or learn to read what I am trying to show them.

Posted by "Anne Brady" on May 8, at 7:30 p.m.

Dan, I think your blog continues to get better and better as the year goes on! I usually find myself reading your blog while nodding my head in agreeance as if you can actually see me. And, of course, I'm always laughing out loud. Just like you said, when I'm driving my car, sometimes I try to be nice to let the person at the 4-way stop sign go before me. But, instead, I just end up waiting a good five minutes while the person just stares at me! Wouldn't it be nice if everyone understood body language?

Posted by "Tyler Dubovi" on May 8, at 12:36 p.m.

Dan, you are absolutely right about body language being extremely difficult to understand. Little things people do could change the meaning of an entire conversation. The only thing harder to understand than normal body language is texting body language. People put smiling and frowning faces in text messages for no apparent reason and you don't know whether that is how they really feel or not. So, I agree body language is the most difficult thing for people to understand.

Posted by "Jeremiah Rowe" on May 5, at 2:25 p.m.

Rez, I love your articles, bud. These things always bring a smile to my face even when I'm sad, and this is one of the best yet. Great job and keep up the good work. Love, Your best bud, Jeremiah
P.S. I hope you don't mind my gym class winks...

Posted by "Kiersten Horrell" on May 4, at 6:23 p.m.

By far my favorite part of this whole article is your line about finding doctors on craigslist. You're too funny. I think it is pretty sweet that you have fans from Kiski now. The TrottyVeck is going to take over the whole tri-county area because of your awesome articles. Keep it up!

Posted by "Amber Phillps" on May 3, at 7:35 p.m.

Once again your blog was hilarious and made me laugh out loud! Almost a year of reading them and they've never failed to make me smile, and most of them make my day. I'd personally like to see your "guy liner" with your nails all black! I love the Kiski shout out, and you're right -- our newspaper is bad! They do about one edition a year, and nothing online! But wait till I get on Kiski's newspaper. I'll give you a run for your money at who's is better! Can't wait to read your next article!

Posted by "Kiley Artman" on May 3, at 7:21 p.m.

You're a very talented writer. I enjoyed the article!:)

Posted by "Jessica Pastva" on May 3, at 4:05 p.m.

Dan, I actually laughed out loud while reading this entry. I like body language because, without it, you do not know if the person you are talking to is being serious or just joking around. Some people don't use punctuation or smilie faces when texting, and that sometimes puts me in an awkward spot. I do not know if they are being sarcastic or being completely serious about their statement. I like being able to look at and hear the person while I'm talking to them so I know how to interpret our conversation.

Posted by "Paula McCorkle" on May 3, at 12:23 p.m.

Dan, this article made me laugh so much! I especially loved your shoutout to the Kiski fans. This is my favorite one so far.

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