(Not so) welcome to dual enrollment! 
by Dan Rzewnicki, Editor in Chief
September 21, 2011
Ah the joy of senior year. As we spend our time counting down the days until we move on to an experience that probably won’t be any better than high school, we have no worries of spilling chocolate milk on our shirts before pictures and many of us have no science or math classes that are required for graduation. With nearly all of my classes finished, I have the option to leave school early every day in order to dual enroll through Clarion’s online program. I thought it would be great to get an introduction into college as well as an opportunity to save some dough. However, little did I know I was in for an absolutely horrible experience.
To start, Clarion spelled my name wrong in my passwords and usernames, yet spelled it right throughout the rest of their system. The misspelling wasn’t that big of a deal (that Rz gets them every time, so I have become accustomed to it at this point). But when I called to fix the error, the shenanigans started.
First, I was connected to a woman at the help desk (I’m not sure why it is called a help desk because the desk or the people at it rarely ever help with anything), and she was rather snippy with me. She talked at a pace of a million words per minute and hung up the phone before I had the chance to write down the first step in her directions. Needless to say, she was rather mad when I called her back 30 seconds later to ask the same question. Finally, after 15 minutes of rude directions and obnoxious “hold please” music, I was directed to the registrar’s office, who directed me to a website with a name change form. Now, why couldn’t help desk lady send me there in the first place? I am convinced that many help desk people know nothing other than their names and how to answer the phone, so they just hold up their callers while everyone else solves the problems.
After sending in my name change form, I waited patiently for Clarion to send me a response.
I waited two months.
In other words, three days before my classes were going to begin, I still had no Clarion email, password or accounts set up. So, I emailed the head-honcho lady who directed me to tech support guy. So, after three phone calls with tech support guy, I had all of my accounts set up and was ready to learn! My question is, why wasn’t I directed to tech support guy on day one? Furthermore, what happened to the name change form I faxed that had all of my personal information on it, including my driver’s license? (If you happen to see a man in a purple raincoat and a pink top hat that identifies himself as Dan Rzewnicki, you should probably call the cops.)
After I was finally ready to get down to business, I jumped right into my school work. Yet, my other classmates were having a melt down over an online orientation that I had not even begun to start. So, with tears already welling in my eyes, I approached the computer to take down the mountain of work I was sure to be waiting for me. However, I was not registered for this “online orientation.” It was not in my class list or anywhere else to be found. So, being the good student I am, I did the ethical thing: I turned the computer off and pretended to have no idea about any online orientation.
Now, my general psychology teacher did not set her website up until the first day of classes. So, on that first day of class we were informed, “Oh yeah, you need this book. The first quiz is Friday.” Thanks for the heads up lady. A few weeks later she assigned a quiz on Labor Day because she “forgot it was Labor Day weekend.” Who does that?
Obviously, these classes aren’t free, so I began to inquire about payment. Clarion had a bill online, and both my mother and I asked Assistant Principal Matt Kruluts if the bill was correct and if we should pay directly to Clarion. He confirmed both of our questions, yet just a week later senior Angela Olshansky was informed that my bill should be cut in half and paid to the school instead of straight to Clarion. Doesn’t anyone in these two organizations know what is going on?
So far, these dual enrollment classes have taught me only a few things. First, I have learned how to talk on two phones at once. Second, I have learned how to bottle up unbelievable amounts of hatred, yet still carry on a conversation with a sweet voice and a smile. Third, you get what you pay for. Fourth, and finally, take out the right half of a 5-year-old’s brain and there is a chance he could turn out all right (see “Understanding Psychology” Ch. 1 for a more in-depth analysis of this phenomenon).
However, even with all I have learned, everything about my dual enrollment experience so far really grinds my gears.
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